Monday, May 14, 2018

Clone Breaks: 2018 Bowman Blaster

Zippy Zappy is weak. Very weak. He caved into his urges and bought a blaster box of 2018 Bowman. A product that (regardless of year) he's always had a problem with because any prospect oriented product that includes veterans or anything beyond rookies is bullshit. But that is another rant for another day.

The fact remains that a blaster box was purchased and in spite of Zippy Zappy's shame, someone still has to record it on the books and salvage the break for anything worthwhile.

Captain Rex was assigned to scour the packs for not only Yankees padawans, but also any Dodgers prospects who are making their Bowman debuts, as well as the rookies Walker Buehler and Alex Verdugo. Rex was also told to keep an eye out for Cubs prospect Adbert Alzolay.

So let's begin.

Pack 1.

Well the Miggy Andujar rookie was certainly a nice surprise, but the rest of the pack was pure garbage. Even the prospects were garbage because they're all repeaters and none of them are "1st Bowmans". Which is important when it comes to Bowman.

Pack 2.

Garbage. Juan Soto the player is phenomenal but this isn't his first Bowman so fuck this shit.

Pack 3.

A few rookies and a repeater card of DJ Peters make this an okay pack but a little part of me died while opening this pack. The fact that the serial numbered parallel I got was a Royal really did me in. Like, forget that it's Salvador Perez who is very much okay. Getting a Royal as a hit/parallel is (with very few exceptions) shit. Because the Royals are worthless. Honestly, who is ever happy to pull a Royal? No one. You might be okay with the Royals as a team in general, but as far as cards go, you're lying to yourself if you said you got excited over pulling a Royal. Not even Royals fans get excited about pulling Royals cards because even they'd prefer that they pull a nice card of a player on a big market team that's actually important so that they can flip that card (because it'll actually be worth something) and get themselves the worthless Royals hits/parallels for cheap. This is also assuming that Royals card collectors exist in the first place. Because who'd want to waste time and money on that shit?
And at the risk of coming off as a Royals (specifically) hater, let me be clear in saying that you can replace the Royals with any team with a market that's smaller than Seattle (especially the fucking Colorado Rockies) and my silly rant will still apply.

Alright, now that I've made myself look like a fool again. Let's move on.

Pack 4.

Holy shit, a First Bowman card! That makes this one of the best packs in the break so far!
The rookies are also really good names. The Clint Frazier insert is also very shiny, I'm impressed.

Pack 5.

The First Bowman Baez is the best card in the pack. Don't let the insert fool you into thinking those three are good names, Seattle's farmsystem is dogshit and those three will be the next prospects Seattle screws up one way or another.

Pack 6.

Yes, TWO First Bowmans! Also a well known blogosphere hero (c) with Gavin LaValley. You all know where that's going.

Pack 7.

Garbage. If you're an A's fan keep an eye on Jesus Luzardo though, he's fun.

Pack 8.

The last pack was hands down the best. It featured a rookie card of Shohei Ohtani (YES!), a Gary Slamchez base, and two First Bowman cards.

So all in all, this blaster was garbage. No Keibert Ruiz base cards. No Matt Sauer base cards. No Jeren Kendall base cards. Automatic F. The Ohtani was a nice consolidation prize and pulling a few Yankees was nice (I guess), but when that's the most I can say about this shit... I'll just end it here before making an even bigger fool of myself.

Hope you all enjoyed this little glimpse at Angry Zippy Zappy. Zippy Zappy loves the Yankees, Dodgers, Cubs, Blue Jays, and big-to-quasi-big markets. He hates the Royals, Rockies, Marlins, Rays and small markets he can't get rid of. Because seriously, fuck them. He got so mad online that he even forgot he was supposed to write this in the context of a Clone Break, and has even started writing in the third person. Blah, whatever.

Sidenote, quick thank you and shout out to Laurens over at Card Buzz for the Matt Sauer First Bowman.

As always thanks for stopping by and take care.


  1. Hilarious! Glad to see you didn't rip Ohtani a new one! I kinda like him.

    1. I love Ohtani, he's great. I'd never rip him.

  2. Hey starting with the Andujar rookie is a great surprise!

    1. And it was all downhill from there.

  3. *raises hand* I-I'd take the Perez parallel if you don't have another home for it...

  4. Replies
    1. Haha, glad that I have a person to send Reds cards to now.

  5. Jackpot! Congratulations on pulling the man. I've stopped by my local Target twice in three days. Not a single pack of Bowman to be found :(

    1. Ohtani mania is big man. These things are flying off of shelves (at least at retail since nobody wants the jacked up hobby shop prices).