Monday, November 11, 2019

A Battle Against Time

Tuesday November 5th, 2019

10:00 PM
While looking at Crave (a real-time database of sorts of upcoming signing events across the country), I notice that former New York Giant Ottis "O.J." Anderson is doing a signing event at a local Stop and Shop. I check the Giants' official website to confirm it and find that it's real. The hunt for a card to get signed begins.

Unfortunately the event is on Saturday 9th.
Which is also the fastest an Anderson card ordered on eBay could realistically arrive if I were to buy one on the spot on Tuesday night. That said I knew that'd be a lost cause because none of the cards were in a close enough radius to me to maybe make it earlier like on Friday. Also mail doesn't get delivered on my street on Saturdays until well into 2PM or 3PM, the Anderson signing ends at 12:30 PM. 2/3 day shipping on Amazon seemed like an interesting option until I saw that fees would be well over $50. Pass. And I refuse to sign up for Prime because I don't want to waste a free trial on such a thing, nor do I particularly want to support Amazon anyway (pay more taxes Bozos!).

I try to start talking myself into how I'm not THAT much of a Giants fan anyway and that I can live without an Anderson autograph. Even if he happens to be signing at a local supermarket that I frequent. So much so that if I let the opportunity go I'd be full of regret every time I entered the store from then on.
DENIAL.

Wednesday November 6th, 2019


1:15 PM
I go to American Legends, a card shop that's a good 45 minutes away by a combination of both train and bus (I don't have a car because living close to the city means I don't really need one unless I'm dealing with the burbs, like where this shop is). My hopes for an Anderson here were dashed in a matter of five minutes because they only dealt with a select few football, and no Anderson among them. Darn. I start getting a little miffed at myself for not checking out the Giants' official meet and greet page earlier so I could plan this out ahead of time. I am also getting angrier at myself for caring so much about a card that goes for a buck on eBay.
ANGER.


4:45 PM
Later that day I stop by the Washington Nationals Walgreens to get a flu-shot. In the process I notice that they have some repacks for NFL cards. "Perfect" I thought, Anderson's entire career was spent in the junk wax era that permeates these packs. I know the odds are against me, but it's worth a shot I tell myself. I plucked out one of the repacks and though I found sets that he was in, I didn't him pull him specifically. I then pull up some card shops in the city, I find Alex's MVP Cards & Comics on the upper east side. I tell myself I'll go take a look.
BARGAINING.

Thursday November 7th, 2019


2:30 PM
Alex's MVP Cards is a nice quaint shop. It's half comic books and half sports cards, and it's the kind of mom and pop shop people imagine their LCS' being. They had around nine packs of 1990 Pro Set NFL at $1.25 each, I bought all of them in the hopes of snagging an Anderson. I knew this was dumb, but I did it anyway. Ottis is in the set! I tell myself. However so are 300+ other guys and I went 0-for on Giants in general, let alone Anderson. Given the lack of time and even more dire lack of options, I remember the Midtown Sports Card Show that happens every second Saturday in NYC. I remember the show being a small one that's also a total crapshoot, but it's worth a shot in my mind. Though the fact that I'd have to wake up very early in order to get the show in the wee hours in order to make it to Stop & Shop by the time Anderson starts signing has me dreading Saturday.
DEPRESSION.

Friday November 8th, 2019

7:30 AM
I ate a few toasted rolls with hummus on them. This was a nice change of pace from the bagels with cream cheese breakfast I'd been feeding myself for breakfast for a good chunk of the past two-three years.

Saturday November 9th, 2019

9:30 AM
I overslept but managed to make it onto the express subway that would take me to 59th St. In my head I'm calculating routes to take from 59th to West 54th St (where the card show was happening). I also needed some cash. Luckily every block in NYC is littered with CVS Pharmacy's and bank branches for every bank in existence, so the plan took 15 secs to make.

9:52 AM
I make it to the card show and immediately start looking through the only dime box in the joint. It's also the one by the whole show's organizer. He asks me what I'm looking for and I tell him of my predicament "I need to find Ottis Anderson cards in the next 25 mins!". He wishes me good luck, within digging through his box of cards from the 90's, I stumble onto many Tim Wallachs (s/o Tim Wallach Collector), a card of Orel Hershiser up to bat, and a Charles Oakley sticker, but my thumbs just pound through all of those in the hopes of finding an Ottis. Miraculously I did! Two of them! I had a stack of stuff that amounted to $3 but I gave the guy a $5 and told him to keep the change. I was happy, I give tips, that show probably wasn't going to get much more traffic (though granted I went at like 10 AM) so I figured he could use the $2, and I didn't have the time to wait for change.

10:22 AM
Oh fuck I'm gonna miss the train. *Runs a good 12+ blocks to Grand Central Terminal*
The blocks to get from the west side to the east side are LOOOOONG. Do not think for a second that getting from third ave to eighth ave is a quick stroll.

11:00 AM
I made it onto the train north. As I prep the cards with a simple eraser rub, I wonder if I'm required to spend stuff at the store BEFORE I'm eligible to get an autograph. I look on Google for other events as guidance and get zilch. My plan was to buy groceries anyway after I got Anderson's autograph so I'll just tell them I'll buy shit later if they ask. Knowing full well that this type of focus pocus bullshit hasn't worked since the 70's.

11:45 AM
Made it to the store and am standing in line with other people waiting for Anderson's autograph. It does not look like any of these bought groceries from the store, nor do they look like they've ever shopped for groceries in their lives. They all have Anderson sign items like helmets, balls and cards and then eventually it's my turn.

12:00 PM


Mr. Anderson signed the cards I didn't have in my possession until a good two hours (not even!) ago right there in front of my eyes.


He even (reluctantly) posed with the cards for me. Don't worry Mr. Anderson, these are never going to eBay. Not after all of the time, stress, thought, physical labor, pre-planning, planning, preparation and grief I'd gone through to make this happen. Also note the rings on his fingers.

12:45 PM
I go home and start writing this blogpost.
Here I sit reflecting on the past few days and wonder what all of it was for. The money spent traveling, the money spent on stupid gambles that I knew weren't likely to favor me from the start, above all else the time I spent devoting actions and thought to this. What was it all for? And was it all worth it? What was the opportunity cost involved with all of this and how will it affect me going forward?


All I know is that now I have two more Ottis O.J. Anderson autographs than I did at the beginning of the week, I've now attended a meet and greet at a supermarket, and I can at least say that I've gone toe-to-toe with time for a battle once.

I am still kinda miffed at myself though for spending $25 on a bunch of worthless football cards while the Andersons were 20 cents. Meanwhile I've also had a decently priced Kevin Knox auto in my wantlist for ages. Also I should've taken more pics of the shops and shows for a better blogpost. Darnit.

Fuck it, at least I have a stupid and dumb memory that's only impressive to others with a similar brainworm infection that keeps them in a hobby where the objective is to consume and consume with no clear end.


Oh and I got my first NFL IP autos. That's pretty big too.
ACCEPTANCE.

Big thanks to Mr. Anderson for signing the cards.
And as always thank you (the readers) for stopping by and take care :).

2019 IP Auto Count: 62

Monday, November 4, 2019

Polkarama



Yup, it's another music post.

"Weird Al" Yankovic is someone who shouldn't require any introduction, but for my readers who're plebs he's a comedian/singer-songwriter who is best known for his music parodies. He's done parodies of Michael Jackson, Madonna, The Backstreet Boys, Lady Gaga, Taylor Swift, and many many more.

Scan Courtesy of COMC

One of the more underrated parts of the Weird Al discography are his polkas which are essentially just compilations of popular songs from a certain period. Weird Al covers certain fragments of certain songs (usually the chorus), all stylized as one big polka song with accordions, tubas and everything. They're very cool to me because they serve as mini-time capsules. You listen to a polka and the various songs crammed within and a stream of memories from when those songs were popular come flooding back to you (note, this is contingent on if you listened to those songs back then, otherwise this might not be of much use to you).


So with all of that said I wanted to talk about my favorite Weird Al Polka, Polkarama! from his 2006 album Straight Outta Lynwood. That same album brought the world notable songs like White and Nerdy, Canadian Idiot and Confessions Part II. All great parody songs. Note the video above is also one of the first videos I ever watched on YouTube over 10 years ago. Harrowing.

Anyway Polkarama! is the polka I adore the most because it features the most songs I like on their own. Let's run down each song within it.

Song 1: Chicken Dance

It's the chicken dance. Nuff said.

Do I Like The Original?: N/A.

Song 2: Let's Get It Started by The Black Eyed Peas


Even though I really don't like BEP that much these days I can't act like I don't enjoy this song. It's a fun party song, as is "Pump It!", their other well known hit before they decided to release shit song after shit song in the late 2000's/early 2010's.

Do I Like The Original?: Yes.

Song 3: Take Me Out by Franz Ferdinand


I have two thoughts about this song.

1). Take Me Out being used as the soundtrack for PSP commercials started the trend of indie rock being used as jingles for commercials. So it's all Franz Ferdinand's fault that Imagine Dragons and other indie rock bands have to make soulless songs that sound like they were made for commercials now.

2). Everything else in Franz Ferdinand's catalogue is a lesser/much worse variation of this song.

Do I Like The Original?: I enjoy Take Me Out and "Do You Want To" by Franz Ferdinand but the rest of their discography is ass. But still yes.

Song 4: Beverly Hills by Weezer


I really love the album this song is from which is Make Believe, but I don't like this song. "Perfect Situation", "The Damage In Your Heart" and "This Is Such A Pity" are the real highlights on that album for me. "Beverly Hills" is too slow for my liking.

Do I Like The Original?: Nope.

Song 5: Speed of Sound by Coldplay


I didn't care for Coldplay until they dropped Viva La Vida. Weird Al's brief cover segment of this song is the most listenable it will ever be to me.

Do I Like The Original?: Nope.

Song 6: Float On by Modest Mouse


Oh now here we fucking go. This is the fucking jam right here. The brief Weird Al version (and the way this song was later sampled by Lupe Fiasco for "Show Goes On") proves that it's also a solid melody. Love it.

Do I Like The Original?: YES. A THOUSAND TIMES YES.

Song 7: Feel Good Inc. by Gorillaz (Feat. De La Soul)


Feel Good Inc. is one of my favorite songs ever. Bar none.

Do I Like The Original?: Yes, refer to what I just typed.

Song 8: Don't Cha by The Pussycat Dolls (Feat. Busta Rhymes)


Busta Rhymes' verse is pretty good but Weird Al's cover of this is the only way to make it remotely listenable. I wish Busta Rhymes would stop wasting time dropping guest verses on terrible songs.

Do I Like The Original?: Nope.

Song 9: Somebody Told Me by The Killers


Float On-Feel Good Inc.-Somebody Told Me would've been a killer combo, but oh well. Somebody Told Me is a great song and Weird Al's take is also great.

Do I Like The Original?: I LOVE IT.

Song 10: Slither by Velvet Revolver


This song is ass.

Do I Like The Original?: Nope.

Song 11: Candy Shop by 50 Cent (Feat. Olivia)


My friends in elementary school really liked this song. Meanwhile I was more into Terror Squad's "Lean Back". I still don't "like" this song, but the memories of my elementary school years keep me from talking shit about this song.

Do I Like The Original?: Not on its own merits.

Song 12: Drop It Like It's Hot by Snoop Dogg (Feat. Pharrell)


Nothing Snoop Dogg makes will ever get me as hyped as "Who Am I (What's My Name)?", and nothing Pharrell produces will get me hyped as Clipse's "Mr. Me Too". This song is fine, but doesn't lend itself to repeated listens.

Do I Like The Original?: Not really.

Song 13: Pon de Replay by Rihanna


Rihanna at her best before she started pumping out so much music that quantity outweighed quality. I'm more of a fan of "Rude Boy" and "Umbrella" but Pon de Replay is fine too.

Do I Like The Original?: Yes.

Song 14: Gold Digger by Kanye West (Feat. Jamie Foxx)


Late Registration (the album this is from) is a classic. This song is a big reason why.

Do I Like The Original?: Yes.

Song 15: The Nina Bobina Polka by Weird Al

The final polka-ish tune to close out this medley. I'm half expecting someone to get hit with a pie when the horns come in.

Do I Like The Original?: This is the original. N/A.

Danielle Trixie

So out of the fifteen songs used for this polka I ended up with seven songs I like, four songs I dislike, two songs I'm indifferent towards, and two that don't even qualify.

Even with the songs I don't particularly care for in there, this whole song overall is a giant time machine for me back to my days as a freshman in middle school. Or around that time period. Because all of those songs were around and big back then (and thankfully this polka didn't include any of the crunk shit that was popular back then), it really is like a lineup that'd be playing on z100 or Hot97 at the time.

Overall I'm biased and I love this polka. Maybe I'll do another Weird Al polka one day.

As always thanks for stopping by and take care :).