Getting The Most Out of Doing the Least

 One of the most horrible traits about myself that I've identified but will probably never fix, is that I have what I call the government contractor mindset. I will put in the bare minimum effort for as much maximum output as I can generate that I find reasonable and worthwhile.

I never excelled, I never struggled, I never put in 100% of my all, I never put in 0%. I always operated in the 30-55% range and the universe has largely respond in kind by giving me back modest returns.

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I've always just existed through life. In some ways this feels like a cheat code but it also makes sense since in both the animal kingdom and in capitalism it's about doing the most with the least. If I can make a living (not a lavish great one, just a baseline living in general) just doing mindless labor, eh sure. Not like I'm looking to get much more out of life.

Whatever I do actively want to get out of life are often shallow materialistic things that can be had with the power of money. As I don't have any obligations or responsibilities, I should have enough to spend on the occasional trinket, knick-knack or doo-dad.

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To be clear it's not like I just shut everything down and then fuck around on my phone doing nothing. What I do mean is that I'm often in that mode where I'm just standing there going through the motions just because I have to be. The lights are on but there's no one home.

Is my output when I'm like this the best it could be? I doubt it is but in past jobs where my employers wanted quantity from me more than anything this got shit done. Not done perfectly mind you, but just done. Good enough.

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I suppose this is due to how I've spent the first three decades of my life doing the bare minimum and ending up okay. So many instances of school projects and work assignments, which could've been executed a lot better with more focus, commitment and preparation. That I kinda just poopoo'd and was content with what would be considered a C-average in school. Once I realize that I've met a certain threshold to satisfy a passing grade and allow myself to not have to care anymore, you bet I'm taking advantage of that. The most suburban American thing about me is that I will abuse a privilege to be mediocre if I have it.

Part of it also due to how as a person I'm borderline indifferent to everything. I'm not all that competitive and I actively try to avoid things that bring that part of me into the open. If I get excited, angry or heated I'm liable to make mistakes, probably costly ones. In the end it's a lot more convenient for me to chalk up bad results to "well I just didn't try that hard, what do you expect?" as a coping mechanism.

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Every now and then when I do feel weirdly motivated to do anything, I don't look towards raising the ceiling but rather raising my floor. I know the bare minimum I can put out there, if I can marginally improve that. That can make a difference sometimes.

In the back of the my mind I do also wonder what would happen if I were to put in maximum effort and put in 100% into something. Put everything on the line and put myself in the vulnerable position where in the event of failure it could potentially break me. Then the insecurity and paranoia that somehow my absolute best would never be good enough sets in and I deem that trying is for dorks.

Of course the obvious thing is that nobody is born naturally good at anything. They practice and better at their craft. Something I will never do because I live the kind of life where I watch YouTube videos at 2 AM and write incoherent ramble-fests like this.

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Now that I've typed all of that out, that weird period where I was super into the Colorado Rockies makes sense.

As always thanks for stopping by and take care.